Stuck on Self-Hatred

loveThe other day I woke up and noticed the first thing that was on my mind.

Typically, I don’t do this, but I happened to notice the first thing that came to my mind the other day.

I noticed I was thinking about how mad I was at myself for eating too many cookies the day before.

I was berating myself because I had eaten mindlessly – to the point of almost hurting my body. (I’m sure you’ve experienced that feeling before, no? When you eat when your body isn’t even hungry, and then you just feel so bloated that it hurts?)

I do that sometimes. It is on occasion, thank God, but it is one of my tendencies.

And then, I get really hard on myself.

So, the other day, I woke up hating myself.

Stuck on disappointment, perhaps.

Stuck on anger.

And stuck on anxiety on how I can possibly make it through the new day – Would I need to deny myself breakfast? Go for a run to burn off the cookie calories? Throw out the remaining cookies so as not to tempt me during the day?

I was totally stuck and going down a deep hole with those thoughts and feelings.

And so, when I sat on my cushion that morning to practice my STOP, I noticed the endless thoughts and feelings popping up in my mind and made an effort to continuously bring my attention back to the present moment.

That very moment one moment.

Not yesterday when I was eating those cookies.

Not five minutes from then when I would prepare to exercise.

But, that very moment.

That breath.

That one breath in.

That one breath out.

Just that moment.

Not then.

Not later.

Just that moment.

One breath at a time.

And then, all of the sudden, the story of being disappointed and angry and anxious began to dissipate.

And what was left was love.

Love of that moment.

Love for myself for practicing to be present.

Love of God for the gift of another day.

It was a really awesome exercise, and I encourage you to try to do the same. Tomorrow morning, notice what’s the first thing that comes to your mind. It could very well be something you are stuck on. And see if you can take that stuck situation and transform it into love, (seamlessly and effortlessly), simply by coming back – again and again – to the very moment you are in.

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2 Responses to Stuck on Self-Hatred

  1. honi March 7, 2017 at 3:59 pm #

    Shira, you always write so beautifully. What a wonderful and “simple” message. Big thank you!!!

    • shirataylorgura March 7, 2017 at 4:26 pm #

      Thank you, Honi!! So great to hear from you! Glad you enjoyed the message!