STUCK on FEAR

I’ve committed to 15 minutes of blogging on Fridays, but I’m stuck today.

On fear.

How timely that my 15-minute-of-blogging-on-Fridays-friend also blogged about fear today.

Living in a small community (under 100 families) has its challenges.

What comes up a lot of times for me is the parenting styles.

Strict.

Loose.

Democratic.

Anthroposorphic.

Religious.

Secular.

Over-protective.

And more.

Somehow, I think, somehow, we have it all here.

And, when my child interacts with another child, who, by chance, was raised with a different parenting style than his own, well, things can get sticky.

At least for me.

As the parent.

Who thinks the way she raises her children is the right way.

Judging?

Perhaps.

But, at what point do I draw the line and say to my child,

“Yes, this is the right way.

And, you need to learn it.

And pass it on.”

I’ll write next week, once I figure out a way to describe the two situations without divulging who the players are.

Until then….

I’ll either see if I can get over my fear of revealing my feelings about my friends’ parenting styles, or learn to just let go.

 

 

 

9 Responses to STUCK on FEAR

  1. Jen October 25, 2013 at 9:18 am #

    Ahhh… Parenting in community.

  2. Shira Taylor Gura October 25, 2013 at 10:05 am #

    Yes, and unfortunately, I’m in the minority when I request having rules of the game. I personally think it would make our lives a lot easier and safer if we all played by the same rules, knew our limitations and our expectations of one another. But, alas, it’s not what people want here. So, either I struggle or learn to let go.

  3. Amy Rossano October 25, 2013 at 8:01 pm #

    Great blog, shir! Have a wonderful Shabbat ? me

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  4. Paula Levine October 25, 2013 at 11:53 pm #

    I always said” this us how are family does…” And ” everyone does things differently” this focused on how WE believed and lived, without being judgmental about how others did things.
    My kids made their own judgment calls as they grew older, without my having to voice negative opinions of others.
    Of course I had my opinions- but I kept them to myself- the kids knew- from the values and choices we made for our family.

    • Shira Taylor Gura October 27, 2013 at 6:29 am #

      Thanks, Paual, for your response. I always appreciate hearing your words. My question is: at what point are values really negotiable? We, as Jews, are supposed to hold many values: Love your neighbor as yourself, You were a stranger in a foreign land, Don’t put a stumbling block in front of a blind person, etc. Let’s say that these are values that I uphold. At what point do I teach my child by saying, “Everyone else does something differently”? I would imagine this would be confusing for a child (and a parent!), no?

  5. Joey Tanchum October 26, 2013 at 1:44 pm #

    You (and Boaz) Have 4 incredible children. Keep up your good values and enjoy your kids!

  6. allison October 28, 2013 at 5:53 pm #

    Hi – I love how you are just noticing your very strong feelings here without getting stuck in them. Or trying to, anyway. Keep up this good mindfulness work. I look forward to hearing more of the details once you write more. How would you describe your parenting style anyway?

    • Shira Taylor Gura October 29, 2013 at 10:35 am #

      Great question! I guess I would say eclectic. Or, certainly not extreme. I wouldn’t say overprotective and also not loose. There definitely are rules in the house and in the world, and they get that, so my style is not democratic. I would say I try to take a little wisdom of many styles (including the style that I was raised with), and mindfulness, and definitely basic Torah values.